I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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