So drunk its hurt
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We talked him into tasing himself.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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