dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
