Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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