real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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