she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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