Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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