I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
