Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
