You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
