Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
