His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
