So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
