i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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