just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
