I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
