Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
