this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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