Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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