I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I have already put on my inside pants.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
