Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
