A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
