I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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