i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
