I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
