Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
