I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
