you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
