First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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