I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
