So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have fence marks all over my body
Floor bacon is actually really good
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
