Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This baby is an asshole
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
