My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
