i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
