Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
