I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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