He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
