I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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