life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
MIDGETS
????
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
