I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I faked an abortion last night.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
