well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
