so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
