i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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