im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
