I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Randomize
