You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
only you would photoshop your dick
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
