Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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