From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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