He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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