why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
